OMG! (PRODUCT NAME) is the (NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE) thing yet! No (EXPECTED FEATURE)?! I WAS more than willing to shell out (ESTIMATED PRICE) for (PRODUCT NAME) before we found out it didn’t have (EXPECTED FEATURE). I can’t believe (ENDORSING CELEBRITY) would stand behind this (NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE) device! Apple is only going to sell (NUMBER LESS THAN 10) of these to the (NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE) users. I don’t know who would buy a (ESTIMATED PRICE) (PRODUCT TYPE) anyway! There’s no way they could even begin to compete with (COMPETING PRODUCT) without a (EXPECTED FEATURE) or (ADDITIONAL EXPECTED FEATURE)! What were you thinking, Steve? You’re a/an (PERSONAL ATTACK)!